I Survived

It has been about three months since Oliver and Lorelai entered our lives.

December was nuts and an absolute blur. Friends and family in and out. Learning how to care for the babies. Trying to process all the emotions. It was nuts and I barely remember it.

January was mostly easy because all the babies did was eat and sleep. I did a lot of reading and hanging out with people. Saw a few Rebel games live. It was great.

February was the hardest month of my life.

I was pretty much sick off and on from the Super Bowl till the end of the month. Vicky was sick off and on, and Lorelai had a pretty bad infection for most of the month. The early part of the month contained a lot of throw up. A lot of throw up. At some points the length of the projective vomiting was nothing short of impressive. Looking back, it would have behooved us to throw giant tarps over all our furniture while wearing the ponchos they give you when you sit in the first few rows of the Blue Man Group.

But more than the circumstances, it was hard to connect with my children and my wife. As an extrovert I cannot tell you how emotionally devastating this was. I only saw my children as a burden and didn’t have any strength to connect with my wife. I absolutely hated life. Just ask a few friends that tried to ask me how I was doing mid-month and were close to calling the suicide prevention hotline. Or my Twitter account which saw updates such as this, “hanging on by a thread…”

Yet something happened around the end of the month. Everything changed. All I can remember is that the 6:15am feeding started containing a lot more smiles. It started with Oliver, moved to Lorelai and soon we all became infected with it. While it isn’t exactly a ton of interaction, the smiling has made all the difference in the world. What was probably the hardest part of the day has turned into the favorite part of the day for the whole family. I leap out of bed with excitement to see my boy smiling at me. To sit on our bed and feed them and hang out as an entire family. Even Piper the dog joins in on the action.

From a Jesus standpoint, the month revealed much in my heart that requires repentance and work. I have often heard Driscoll use an illustration from the great missionary Amy Carmicheal. She basically says that in the glass of our hearts there is water. It may be sweet water, it may be bitter water. God will often bump us to reveal the nature of the water in our hearts. The bump does not affect the composition of the water (as we often try to blame our reactions on the circumstance) is merely reveals it. In February God knocked the glass onto the floor, revealing my heart and by his mercy, afforded repentance and grace. I am still walking through many of the things revealed, but am grateful all the same for the revelation.

I would like to say that I hope to post more, but well, my promises come up very empty very often on this blog.


– matt


7 Responses

  1. Good post. There’s a typo in the paragraph above the picture of you feeding one of your kids. I’ll give you a hint: You spelled “interaction” with too many “e”s.

  2. Catch 22 on that comment Jimmy.

    Not only are you the only one who will have that laugh, but now no one will know what you were talking about in your comment.

    Thanks for taking one for the team.

  3. While I was reading this post I could not help but here Destiny’s Child song “I’m a Survivor” blaring the whole time in the background.

    Good stuff Matt.

  4. Thanks for being such an awesome husband and sticking it out last month:) Here’s to a FABULOUS MARCH!!

  5. […] check out Matt’s thoughts on surviving Febuary, fun […]

  6. […] check out Matt’s thoughts on surviving Febuary, fun […]

  7. […] I promise, you’ll love him, he is pretty great! This was written and originally posted on The Prime Rib Theory in July last year. I read it over the other day and it gave me such joy to remember what it is Matt […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: