crying

Monday I cried.

I remember reading something recently, by whom I’m not sure, that said something to the like of, “People will not believe in something until it becomes existentially real to them”. So that’s what happened to me.

On 9/11 I didn’t cry. I tried to force myself to, and when I couldn’t, felt guilty. Well, I guess Adam and I making jokes about Flight 83 being shot down by the U.S. right after they overthrew the terrorists didn’t help my conscience either. I didn’t cry at Columbine, I really have never, ever cried when hearing of public tragedy. I don’t cry when I read about torturous rape on Drudge-Report, or when I hear of a UNLV professor having over 25,000 pictures of child pornography on his computer. Why?

None of it is real. Well, at least not to me.

See, when I read Monday about these killings at VT, something happened.

I saw a gunman on the 7th floor of Terry shooting Andy, Kelvin, Allison, Morgan, and Charles.

I saw Cory, I guy I discipled in 2004, in his class at VT unable to leave becuase the doors were shut (note: Cory’s fine, I was simply explaining what was going through my head. Calm down).

That was real to me, and I cried.

In a very ego-centric, introspective way, I have felt very guilty over the last few days. Guilty that a girl in New York was raped and left for dead, and I didn’t care enough to ask God to comfort and heal her. Guilty that I don’t care that a reporter is being held captive in a place far away from home. Guilty that thousands of families don’t have daddy’s and mommy’s anymore, because of our presence in Iraq, and I haven’t prayed for a single one.

Guilty, that I have not given these people the respect that someone bearing the image an likeness of God deserves. So I cry and mourn. For the students who died, the families who suffer, and the sinfulness in me.

Is this really existentially real to me? To a certain extent maybe, but life has pretty much gone on as normal. My prayer is that this would be the impetus of change in me. From being so self-absorbed, to actually realizing that other image bearers of God exist.

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